Spring Grave

Spring is coming and the ground has softened long enough for Jeff to change out the Christmas decorations to spring colors. We still await the permanent marker for our dear boy's grave. I have been sad so often lately thinking about him and missing his funny antics. Here I am, 7 months without him physically present in my life and a memory can still hit me unexpectedly and bring me to tears.

Boys in action

Micah at soccor. He loves to be goalie.

Jacob's Birthday party. He is 8. :)

Memorial song for a young man killed in a motorcycle wreck.

Some young men made this song about their friend who died in a motorcycle wreck. Even though I am not a rap fan and it has a few bad words in it, I thought it was really an amazing song and video.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIiOzGmfINs

Our Tiny Tiger

Lynnie is enjoying her Tiny Tiger karate class. Here are a few pictures

At rest position while awaiting her turn

Kick

Punch! Punch!

And a final bow

Puts a new spin on "bag lady"

Are these bag children? The sure look that way....wasted some of my trash bags they did.

Lynnie's Stitches

Little Lynnie's first stitches!!! She has 6 lovely blue stitches on her right knee after gashing it on the lever in the bath tub. She is quite proud of them.

What if I don't want to adapt?

Many times I think I am doing ok

I am living and smiling and planning on a future.

I have 3 wonderful living children.

And then out of the blue I feel so lost again.

I Miss Joshua and want him here with me.

I wrote this poem during one of those missing Joshua moments.

Life keeps changing day by day

even when we want it to always stay the same

Some changes bring happiness and joy

others leave us crying out in pain like the loss of my boy.

......................

To these changes we must adapt or so I am told,

develop a new sense of what is and let go of the old

I don't want to adapt to this loss, not today.

The loss of my son is not ok.

....................

I don't want him to be gone

I want him here right now

I want to hug him and gaze upon his face

I want to watch him grow.

....................

Why can't I still have him?

I want him back some how.

He is supposed to be here with me, his mother

Not in heaven, not yet, not now.