What to write? As I sit with a glass of hot chai tea I wonder what could I possibly say that would perk your interest. Since nothing very exciting comes to mind, I will just ramble about random happenings here at the Heyer household.
The sun is shining and we might reach 60 degrees today. :) That is very nice since we are supposed to have snow on Monday. Trying to tell all the plants it is too early and they must wait doesn't seem to work. They feel the presence of the sun and burst out in delightful new growth much too early. The children run and play outside getting a good dose of spring fever. How will they sit through two more months of school?
Today I have a cold. I felt it coming on yesterday and was very sad as I will be traveling tomorrow. Boo hoo.
Lynn has cheerleading and Jacob has basketball.
Jeff is groggy and his foot hurts were he has a hairline fracture from falling when he had a migraine. Poor guy seems to have one injury/health problem after another.
I get to spend this afternoon packing for my flight tomorrow.
Tomorrow I begin my new adventure. I will travel to Las Vegas for a week to begin my ultrasound course. The course is a year long homestudy course with occasional travel to meet with your instructors and class. Hopefully when I am done I will be able to pass the RDMS exam and become a registered sonographer. :) My work, CareNet, is sending me and paying for everything. God has really blessed me with this wonderful job. My husband is not too excited about me leaving him with the kids for a week, but he agreed that I should go ahead with the class because it is such a great opportunity.
Well, I am off to cheerleading!
By for now
Friday, March 13, 2009
Have you ever cried watching Elmo? Ok...it sounds so silly. And yet one day I sat watching TV with my kiddos. Elmos World came on and a flood of memories hit me of a sweet little boy. When he was 2 Joshua absolutely loved it. "Da da da da, da da da da....Elmos World." He would sing it in his cute little voice. Silly kid. He was so cute. So I sat watching Elmo with tears pouring down my face while my living children wondered why on earth I would ball over Elmo.
Grief is funny like. It hits you when you least expect it. The missing of your special person is always there just under the surface. It only takes a thought or memory to bring it back up to the surface for all to see again before you stuff it back down again so you can function like a "normal" person. Even when you stuff it down, its not gone. Its just hidden like when you ask your kids to clean their room and you go to inspect it. It looks great. Wonderful job you say...
...And then you open the closet!
Everything falls out on top of you. Not really clean...just stuffed in a compartment to look good. When more painful memories creep up you open the door and throw them in really fast and close the door so everything doesn't fall out on you. Every once in awhile the closet becomes so full it is in danger of bursting open. You have to open up the door and deal with the memories, hurts, and pains trapped inside. You sort through them. Feel the pain and hurt. Cry and remember. Wonder why all over again. Scream that it can't really be true even after almost 2 years. Miss your sweet boy and think about all the wonderful memories you have of him. Pray and ask God to give you the comfort and grace you need to continue to live daily for Him. Organize your closet so the pain won't burst open and break the door completely down. Then you close the door and go on with life again for awhile. Always aware of the pain and hurts. Not gone. Just tucked away for the moment.
What pains and hurts are locked in your closet? What do you keep under your surface demeanor? Waiting to surface when you are tired or stressed? When you don't have the strength to hold the closet door closed any longer?