No one ever allows their mind to really think about losing a child because the thought is too horrible. I remember over the years thinking, "what if something happened to one of my kids," then I would push the thought right out of my mind because it was not thinkable...I couldn't let my mind go there. Each special person in my family is so unique and important that life just could not be the same without them. Which child would you chose to be without? How could you choose? I can't imagine life without Micah, or Jacob, or Lynnie.
Sadly I do know what life is like without Joshua. I didn't choose it. I didn't want it. Sometimes I still can't believe it. The unthinkable happened. Its not supposed to happen. It can't happen! And yet Joshua isn't here with me any more. No matter what I do or think. He is absent. Three years ago today my beautiful wonderful 10 year old son Joshua died in a swimming accident.
Somehow life keeps moving even without him here. Time keeps plodding forward. I smile again and laugh. I enjoy life. I love my living children more then I can imagine....can't imagine life without them. Pray I never have to. "You better let me go first Lord! I pray " :) (Like I have a choice in the matter). I wonder what life would be like now if Joshua were here still. What he would like to do now. If he would be at youth camp this week with Micah. We miss him every day and yet....wow....he is with our Lord. Nothing better could happen to him. Our loss is his gain.
The cool thing is that God has created each amazing and unique child to be eternal! Joshua may have died physically....but he is not snuffed out of existance. He is alive! He is forgiven. He is with my Lord right now. I will see him again and he will be perfected...exactly as God meant for him to be. The wait seems to be forever but it is just a blink in all of eternity. Thank you Lord Jesus that this separation is only temporary!