Many times I think I am doing ok
I am living and smiling and planning on a future.
I have 3 wonderful living children.
And then out of the blue I feel so lost again.
I Miss Joshua and want him here with me.
I wrote this poem during one of those missing Joshua moments.
even when we want it to always stay the same
Some changes bring happiness and joy
others leave us crying out in pain like the loss of my boy.
To these changes we must adapt or so I am told,
develop a new sense of what is and let go of the old
I don't want to adapt to this loss, not today.
The loss of my son is not ok.
I don't want him to be gone
I want him here right now
I want to hug him and gaze upon his face
I want to watch him grow.
Why can't I still have him?
I want him back some how.
He is supposed to be here with me, his mother
Not in heaven, not yet, not now.