Friday, November 16, 2007

Jesus Wept

John 11:32-35
Then Mary, when she came where Jesus was and saw him, fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled; and he said, Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord come and see.” Jesus Wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

The day Mary’s brother died I can imagine the questions and pain in her eyes…
“If only you had been here…I believe you could have saved him…
Why, Jesus …..Why did my brother have to die.”

Her thoughts spinning with numbness and shock.
Grief and pain…separation. Never to see him again. Not to hear his voice aloud or see him smiling with his friends. I can’t bear this pain Lord Jesus. How could you let me down. If only you had been here Lord…Our dear brother might still be around.

What were you thinking Lord Jesus on that fateful day?
You knew even while they wept and mourned that their brother would soon be raised.
Still your eyes filled with tears as you felt your friend‘s pain.
You wept for their loss and you cared.
You knew that such pointless deaths would continue until your own task you dared.

Was it just for Mary and Martha you cried? … Or could it also be …that the tears you wept spanned across time and were also your tears shed for me. Tears of pain and sadness for the curse that our own sin brings. Death and separation from the one’s we love and from God for all eternity.

Did you feel my pain years before I was born
when you wept for Lazerus that day?
Did you see my tears and hear my cries from such a long ways away?
Oh how I cried the day my boy died. Shock, disbelief, horror and pain.
I still live in a fog thinking my son can‘t be gone. He can’t be buried in that grave.

I know the pain and the questions that Mary must have felt. The whys and the what ifs that kept spinning round and round. I am jealous that she had you physically present with her to raise her brother back to life. I wish the same could happen for my son whose body still lays in its grave. Couldn’t I too have just a few more years to love my boy and tell him how much I care?

You are God Almighty without sin or need to suffer. Why did you allow yourself to feel such horrible pain? You willingly suffered and died for our crimes. You took our curse upon your own flesh so that we might be eternally saved.

Your love and your understanding of our pain must have spurred you onto your task,
To provide a way to end the curse of death…so our separation wouldn’t have to last.
You took all our pain and loss and the suffering of death on your own shoulders the day you died. So that my little boy could be with you now enjoying true life at your side.

I can’t wait to see him again. Such joy I can’t even imagine. No more weeping and no more loss. The curse of death lifted by your death on the cross. Thank you Lord Jesus. For providing a way for my son to live again with you today.


dandjschoch said...

Sally, I'm so glad that you have this medium to express your thoughts, feelings and hopes for Josh and self. You communicate your thoughts so beautifuly. I was just reading that passage the other day and was struck when Jesus said that because He loved them, he waited to come to them. I know it didn't seem like love to them while watching their brother die. But it was. I know you know, it's love with Josh and you too.

Kelly said...

Sally, some day all the questions will be answered. We'll be able to sit at his feet and ask all the questions we've pondered over the years. I so appreciate your attitude in the midst of your pain and loss. My mind goes back to the day we lost Joshua...I can relive again my shock and disbelief that such a thing could possibly be true. My mind truly had to pause and grasp, still does in fact.... And yes, I too am so very thankful for the love Jesus has for us, that he would be willing to give his own, perfect, sinless, righteous self on the cross so that we could be with him again and so that he could conquer death. I can't even fathom the depths of his shame and agony as he endured not only the physical torture and pain, but the incredible burden of all of the wickedness and sin that has been committed over the ages. How is it possible that the Almighty God of creation could love us so much that He would be willing to suffer so much for us? His love is a wonderful thing.
I can't believe it's already been 4 months!
Sending you love and hugs today, and especially tomorrow on the 4 month anniversary. Love, Kelly :D

tsduff said...

Sal, blogger ate all my comments yesterday! boo hoo. I left one here too but it has vanished.

I will think of Josh as I eat ham tomorrow - as well as thinking of all of you. Sorry no ham was sent this year... turkey will have to do ya.

Love and hugs across the miles Sally, Jeff, Eric, Micah, Jacob and Lynnie :)