"The Death of Joshua" by Tamlyn

My dear neice Tamlyn wrote this poem about Joshua's death. She did a great job. Very direct and to the point. Thank you Tamlyn.


"The Death of Joshua by Tamlyn (with a little help from mom)
................................
Joshua the brown haired boy
Doing dares with his friends
They dared him to jump in the river
and he did with joy
The rushing river flushed him around the bend
..................................
Some people say he got knocked-out
I don’t know what to say.
Micah wanted to save him, his head so full of doubt
"I’d pay anything to have him back",
it was the darkest day
...............................
My uncle Jeff came to see
But a rude guy with a camera was in the way
So Jeff kicked the camera man, a round house to the knee
The man after that didn’t have much to say
...............................
When aunt Sally heard the news,
she ran to the truck, her mind a blurr
"It couldn’t be, not my Josh, no never",
It just didn’t make sense to her.
Could her son be lost forever?
..............................
No, for a time, for a season we had to say good-bye
But not forever.
When our work is done, our bodies weary,
down we will lie
Only to be gathered up in Heaven
to resume that relationship that death couldn’t sever"

2 Year Memorial Pics

September birthdays

Happy Birthday!

To all those wonderful people I know with September birthdays!

May these balloons of happy birthday find you from afar!

****

To my two adorable neices

who live far away in Albania!

****

To my wonderful sister Kelly

who also lives far away in Oregon

****

To my awesome stepson Westley

currently in Washington State

(Happy birthday today!!!)

****

To my beautiful little cousin Sierra

turning 6

in California

****

To (yes myself but I am not far away :) )

****

And to my son Joshua

His big 13 in a week

How I wish I could celebrate with him

He is beyond birthdays

eternal

****

Ok...stop reading now if you don't want to be depressed....

****

Joshua sure loved his birthday

hmmm...enchilada dinner was usually his favorite

His excitement was always contagious

I don't know what he would want this year

I don't know what new interests he would have now.

2 years ago he would have wanted an ocarina

or zelda games, or and electric scooter. :)

He would have grown and changed in these two years

Who would he be today if he was still here?

****

September used to be a month we shared

Our birthday month

Now it is bittersweet

I can't celebrate my own birthday without missing him

I have shed many tears this month already without him

****

So happy birthday my son in Heaven

If you are aware of what we are doing

I hope you have a big smile knowing how much we love you

knowing how much we will aways celebrate the day you came into our lives

The Rock Field

Adventure or burdon?

what do you see

When you look at these boulders

strewn before me

............

As kids, my sister and I

would have run to go climb them

perhaps we would have even

climbed down inside them

..............

They look so fun and exciting back then

and when we were camping our cousins joined in

we created elaborate games inside our rock homes

and just layed back enjoying the giant stones

................

Now I am older and the rocks still look fun

I might even climb up on one and set in the sun

But to see so many blocking my path

can be very unnerving...you do the math

.................

How can we ever make it from here to there

The end of the path blocked to me I fear

The path if it were smooth would bring me there fast

But these boulders look so daunting I don't know if I'll last

..................

Perhaps the end of the path is not the prize

Perhaps its the journey...behind each rock a suprize

Why are we in such a hurry each day

to get to the end of the road right away

....................

If we are willing to stop, explore and even pray

We might find God has more in store for us today

So slow down and take a look

inside each cranny and crook

....................

You might be suprized at the strength that you gain

through life's little twists of joy and pain

Ups and Downs and even right under a stone

With God right beside you you're already home

My beautiful girl

Trying on her Mommy's wedding dress. Lynn is so cute. I didn't catch a picture of her sticking out her lips and puckering....."you may kiss the bride," she said. Hopefully the real moment will be a very long time away. :)

Looking at my beautiful daughter I fear for what society and the media will pressure her to be. She is so amazing just how she is. Here is a link to a great song by Jonny Diaz called More Beautiful You. To listen you might want to turn off the sound on my blog music player. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0

2 years

Two years have passed since you were here my boy
and most people have all "moved on."
not even a passing thought crosses their hearts and minds
to remember your essence and who you are.

But I have not forgotten you my son...
You memory floods my heart each day
I think of you and wonder how you would have changed
Who you would be now...the things you might say.

You would be a teen in two months
The big year...turning 13
I would probably be pulling out my hair
dealing with a teenage boy.

I know with my mind that you are safe in God's hands
But sometimes it is hard to know with my heart
I want to see you smile with my mortal eyes
and hear your voice and hold you tight.

God keep you my son
until the day
I am reunited with you
for all eternity

Journey of A Mother....Happy Mother's Day!

We were sent this poem after our Mom passed. Whether your Mom is alive traveling with you or has gone on ahead into eternity, Happy Mother's Day!

The Journey Of A Mother

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said, "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, and taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike and reminded them to feed the dog, and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
-------------------------------------------------
Then the nights came, and the storms, and the path was sometimes dark,and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world.
------------------------------------------------------------
Year after year, she showed them compassion, understanding, hope, but most of all...unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."
----------------------------------------------------------
The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she became little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And when the way became rough for her, they lifted her, and gave her their strength, just as she had given them hers. One day they came to a hill, and beyond the hill, they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk with dignity and pride, with their heads held high,and so can their children after them. And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but she is with us still.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mother like ours is more than a memory.
She is a living presence."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every teardrop. A mother shows every emotion...happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow...and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...not even death!

Two in Heaven

My husband found an old camera with film in it and had it developed. New Joshua pictures always bring tears to my eyes as I re-live those precious moments of time I spent with him. I can't believe that there were pictures of my little Joshua man with my dear sister Tammy. Tammy had ALS in this picture and was on a ventilator to breath for her. She couln't move any muscles in her body. She got to go home to Heaven soon after this picture was taken. I know she was one of the first to greet Joshua along with my mom into Heaven.

Turkeys in the Cemetary

While we were visiting Joshua's grave we ran into a flock of turkeys. They make me laugh.

Duh, I'm getting out of the way now.

Uh oh... why are you slowing down? I moved out of the road already.

Are you staring at me?

Walk a little faster dear...they're gaining on us.

Green Belt

I'm Ready to test for Green!

No I am not supposed to be looking at Mom and Dad right now!

I'm in listening position #1


I'm a green belt now! Yeah!

Lynnie and her instructor

Chocolate chip cookie?

Where have I been you ask? At school!

I am taking a 12 month class to become an RDMS (registered diagnostic medical sonographer).

I just took my first test online and don't have the results back yet. My poor brain is on overload these days trying to juggle family, work, and school. :)

When I close my eyes at night my brain replays images of round chocolate chip cookies...but you can't eat these. These are the elusive ovaries that I must find on ultrasound. The chocolate chips are the follicles that grow within the ovary carrying the eggs and preparing to release their precious cargo in hopes that a new life will be created. :) Its funny that when you are pregnant with a little girl, you are already carrying the eggs within your womb that might one day be your grandchildren. It really is quite amazing to be able to see inside the human body with ultrasound.

Random Happenings

What to write? As I sit with a glass of hot chai tea I wonder what could I possibly say that would perk your interest. Since nothing very exciting comes to mind, I will just ramble about random happenings here at the Heyer household.

pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

The sun is shining and we might reach 60 degrees today. :) That is very nice since we are supposed to have snow on Monday. Trying to tell all the plants it is too early and they must wait doesn't seem to work. They feel the presence of the sun and burst out in delightful new growth much too early. The children run and play outside getting a good dose of spring fever. How will they sit through two more months of school?

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Today I have a cold. I felt it coming on yesterday and was very sad as I will be traveling tomorrow. Boo hoo.
Lynn has cheerleading and Jacob has basketball.
Jeff is groggy and his foot hurts were he has a hairline fracture from falling when he had a migraine. Poor guy seems to have one injury/health problem after another.
I get to spend this afternoon packing for my flight tomorrow.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Tomorrow I begin my new adventure. I will travel to Las Vegas for a week to begin my ultrasound course. The course is a year long homestudy course with occasional travel to meet with your instructors and class. Hopefully when I am done I will be able to pass the RDMS exam and become a registered sonographer. :) My work, CareNet, is sending me and paying for everything. God has really blessed me with this wonderful job. My husband is not too excited about me leaving him with the kids for a week, but he agreed that I should go ahead with the class because it is such a great opportunity.

Well, I am off to cheerleading!

By for now

Whats in Your Closet?

Have you ever cried watching Elmo? Ok...it sounds so silly. And yet one day I sat watching TV with my kiddos. Elmos World came on and a flood of memories hit me of a sweet little boy. When he was 2 Joshua absolutely loved it. "Da da da da, da da da da....Elmos World." He would sing it in his cute little voice. Silly kid. He was so cute. So I sat watching Elmo with tears pouring down my face while my living children wondered why on earth I would ball over Elmo.

Grief is funny like. It hits you when you least expect it. The missing of your special person is always there just under the surface. It only takes a thought or memory to bring it back up to the surface for all to see again before you stuff it back down again so you can function like a "normal" person. Even when you stuff it down, its not gone. Its just hidden like when you ask your kids to clean their room and you go to inspect it. It looks great. Wonderful job you say...

...And then you open the closet!

Everything falls out on top of you. Not really clean...just stuffed in a compartment to look good. When more painful memories creep up you open the door and throw them in really fast and close the door so everything doesn't fall out on you. Every once in awhile the closet becomes so full it is in danger of bursting open. You have to open up the door and deal with the memories, hurts, and pains trapped inside. You sort through them. Feel the pain and hurt. Cry and remember. Wonder why all over again. Scream that it can't really be true even after almost 2 years. Miss your sweet boy and think about all the wonderful memories you have of him. Pray and ask God to give you the comfort and grace you need to continue to live daily for Him. Organize your closet so the pain won't burst open and break the door completely down. Then you close the door and go on with life again for awhile. Always aware of the pain and hurts. Not gone. Just tucked away for the moment.

What pains and hurts are locked in your closet? What do you keep under your surface demeanor? Waiting to surface when you are tired or stressed? When you don't have the strength to hold the closet door closed any longer?

Cell Phone Photos

I finally figured out how to get my cell phone pics onto my computer. Here is a small sampling from my camera over the last year. :)

Micah and Jacob at Upward Basketball February or March of 2008.

Jeff at Lynn's preschool being silly

My little Upward cheerleader last weekend

Goooooo Upward!!!!


I'm ready for surgery Mom! Last year getting his ear tubes out.

25 Random Things About Me.

Here are 25 random facts about me. I was tagged on facebook with this and I thought it was kind of fun.

1. I am the youngest of 6...the baby of the family.

2. One day when I was little I put my beloved kitty named Taffy in my little cloth suitcase and zipped it closed. Hours later when I returned I found a huge whole where Taffy had chewed himself out. I am happy now that kitty didn't suffocate. Kids do the meanest things sometimes.

3. I used to have a crush on Johny Gage from the show Emergency. How embarrasing. We played Emergency on an old rusty dump truck that was sitting in our yard.

4. One of my dear sisters was very creative and was the mastermind of many games. We spent hours playing "Yoga Yoga Flowers." She also made me pull her in a cart, clean our room because I was the slave and she was the master and make me close my eyes and taste different foods.

5. I was quite a tom boy growing up. No dolls and girly things for me. More like marble herds, lizards and a wonderful pair of bars in our yard that I swung on for hours.

6. I don't know how I survived childhood. I almost died climbing on cliffs many times. It was only the little bushes that I clung onto for dear life that saved me.

7. Yes, It was me who lit a fire and burned a big black spot on the green carpet in the upstairs hall! Knowing my parents would notice a giant black burn on the rug, I rolled it up and threw it away. It was an ugly carpet anyways! :)

8. One day on a family trip in Oregon I went around behind an old building to look at some cows. When I came back everyone was gone. It began to rain. The building was locked up and so I sat on a swing and waited over an hour for them to return.

9. One of my sisters and I had the privalege of finding a giant fake pink fingernail in our salad in a restaruant on a trip to see another sister in Oregon.

10. I was a band geek in high school and play the baritone. I spent many hours with my dear band friends in college. They are a unique set of people. :)

11. I spent a summer with the Velvet Knights Drum and Bugle Corps.

12. After my youth pastor dropped me off one day I ran up the driveway with mail in hand and tripped. I felt a crunch in my right arm. No one was home so I casually opened my mail and was pleased to note I had been accepted into an honor band. Then I called a neighbor and told her I thought I broke my arm. She took me to the hospital. It took a few hours to get ahold of my parents. The break was caused by a benign tumor in my radius so I had to have surgery to remove it.

13. One of my most embarrasing moments is being dropped off in a giant grey ugly navy bus at school in the bus loading zone in front of all the other kids. Yes the old bus was fun on trips but NOT for taking children to school in front of their peers.

14. My very creative sister had a great idea one day on how to make our hair lovely. She carefully beat some eggs and we both rubbed them through our hair. Time to rinse....No one told her you have to rinse with cold water. We got in a nice hot shower and discovered that eggs don't rinse out well in hot water. They cook. Gross....scrambled egg hair!

15. My roommate and I made a pully system complete with a little basket with the people in the room above us so we could send notes and items up and down. It was lots of fun.

16. I was arrested in Turkey for Christian Propagana.

17. I only dated for 2 months before I got engaged. We were married in 4 months! I wouldn't recommend that to my children.

18. I have the greatest mom in the world...and the greatest siblings in the world! I love my family...neices, nephews, cousin, sisters, brother, aunties and uncles... and will soon have a newgrand nephew. :)

19. One of my boys was 10lbs2oz. There was no anesthesiologist available so no epidural for me!

20. I have four amazing wonderful children...3 with red hair.

21. My oldest son Joshua with lovely brown curls died in a swimming accident when he was almost 11. I will never be the same again without him here on earth. My church family has been a huge help and support for my family... bringing meals, hugs and support. The day Joshua died I was in a car accident and spent hours in the ER. My pastor and his wife sat with me and helped with my living children while they stitched me up. I am so thankful they are caring wonderful people who serve our Lord Jesus.

22. I serve Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I look forward to the day I will join Him in Heaven and be reunited with Joshua and with my dear mother and my sister Tammy (and any other dear family who pass before me).

23. We have a little black pug named Midna after a Zelda character from a game my son Joshua loved.

24. I work for Care Net....A crisis pregnancy clinic....and am a nurse sonographer/nurse manager. I love to do ultrasounds on pregnant women. It is a great job.

25. I am starting a course in March to become an RDMS which stands for registered diagnostic medical sonographer.

Snow Day!

Today the phone rang at 6AM. Ohhh...who could be calling before my alarm...how rude! We didn't catch the main phone but within a few seconds my husband's cell began to ring. Then my cell began to ring. What was this conspiracy to wake me up eary? When I answered my cell I quickly found out the school was testing a new automated information system. Due to the high winds with corresponding low wind chills and white-out conditions, school was cancelled. Wow! A real snow day. No work for me...hurray! Laying around doing nothing...I really could have done a ton today but I sat and watched Little House on the Prairy all day. :) So here I am at almost 5 pm and the natives are growing restless. Crying and fighting and whining. The wind is blowing and the snow is building a giant drift across our road and driveway. It is too cold for the kids to play outside. I think this snow day thing is overrated! :) I think a family movie complete with popcorn will be in order tonight. I will enjoy the routine tomorrow of getting the kids out the door to school and then heading out to work.

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,

I am very happy to see an African American as president. What an amazing day in history to see our country finally break through the race barriers and treat men of different races as equal. If for nothing else then that reason, I celebrate your election into the highest office on our country.
Once people argued that "black" people were not equal and shouldn't be given the same rights as white folk. They were property....the same as pets or farm animal. Mr. President, thank you for putting that prejudice hopefully to rest.

That said Mr. President, I am very concerned about you as my President. I find that the wonderful freedoms in our country...the freedom to life, liberty, and happiness are still in jeopardy. Some are being persecuted daily with the same arguments that your people were once persecuted. The arguments that they are not real people ring out loud and clear... that they are just property...that they are only important if they are wanted...that they are just a choice. They are the unborn. They are being exterminated at an alarming pace. Almost 4000 babies are aborted daily in our country alone. Did you know that black children are aborted at over 3 times the rate of white children? Does that surprise you at all? Do you care? Did I just hear that you lifted the ban on funding abortions in foreign countries today by an executive order? That you support Roe Vs. Wade? That you might sign a Freedom Of Choice Bill which would then allow abortions throughout pregnancy and even partial birth abortion? Why would you of all people...you who have known persecution...you who profess to be a Christian...choose to support the destruction of children throughout the world?

Mr. President...it has been only days since your inauguration. People are singing your praises and looking to you as our "Savior." There is only one Savior, Mr. President, and it is not you. It is the one you say you believe in. He is Jesus our Lord. How could you in good conscience be a part of allowing children to be murdered if you truly serve our Lord. How could you choose to purposely write into law things that violate every belief that we as Christians hold dear?

I will pray for you each day Mr. President. I will pray that God's will be done through you, in you, and to you. It is better that a millstone be tied around your neck and you be cast into the sea then for you to lead one child astray. You are the physical leader of our country. Many look to you as an example. Many will believe what you say and want what you want. Please make wise choices. Please make Godly choices. May you come to truly know our Lord and live for Him each day.

Sally

For anyone interested in the reality of abortion in our country today check out the following link. If you want facts and truth this is a great site.

http://www.abort73.com/index.php

To meme or not to meme...

I was visiting the blog of my dear sister, Terry, and she had a meme posted. Because the picture she posted was the best and cutest ever...I am very biased here since they are of my daughter so do go check them out at http://tsduff.blogspot.com/ )...I decided to play along. Terry didn't tag anyone and neither will I; however I would encourage anyone to play along if they should so desire. The rules are as follows:


Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.

Select the 4th picture in the folder.

Explain the picture.

Tag four people to do the same.

No Cheating (cropping, editing, etc.)


So what picture did I find in my fourth file in my number four picture spot?.....



This is a picture of my dear Joshua's headstone. The inscription on the front says, "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord."


This side of the stone had Joshua's picture added to it between the dates after we took this photo. He was an adventurer at heart and we believe he is onto his greatest adventure with our Lord in eternity. :) We still miss him daily and look forward to our reunion with him in Heaven.

Yes, we are still alive!

Do you ever have times when you just can't seem to get motivated to post anything? I feel bad for all of my blog buddies who expect to see something new and exciting and just find the same post from Christmas! But here I am...back again. :)

What is new and exciting in the Heyer household? Hmmmmm. Well, besides mulitple trips to the emergency room with my husband for migrains and medication reactions (that is another story), battling bickering children and then praising them for honor rolls and special activities, and of course missing Joshua each day, I have been accepted into an RDMS program. That stands for Registered Diagnostic Medical Sonographer. The program will help get me ready to take the registry exam for obstetric and gynecological ultrasound. I am excited about the program.

Thats it for now.