Saturday, September 15, 2007


To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord

To live is Christ and to die is Gain...

I have read and thought on these verses many times. I believe with my brain, Joshua, that you are happy and yet I feel miserable in my heart. I can't talk to you or hear you tell me how happy you are. I can't see you smile. I can't touch you and hug you. I can't hear you tell me that you love me. I am completely separated from you.

Is this how Jesus felt when he cried out "My God My God, Why hast though forsaken me?" When Jesus experienced complete separation from God? Is separation from those we love and from God the worst possible thing to experience in all of heaven and earth? God (3 in 1) created us in his image. Could part of that image mean that we are connected to each other with stronger bonds then we can understand? We need to be within reach of each other to be complete. Josh is not just a person in my family. He is a part of me. We have grown together into a unit and the separation rips me apart. I can not be whole again until I join him with the Lord in Heaven. Josh is complete now. I don't know if he is out of time and already at the end of time? Maybe he just jumped forward to when we are already there to? Or maybe he is watching time and history take place? I don't know for certain. I just know that he is present with Christ and it is better then living here on earth.

1 comment:

tsduff said...

I know all of these things just keep flinging around in your head, as you try so hard to make sense of why your first born was taken from you. I have wrestled with the question of death, seperation from loved ones, and trying to understand it, for many years now, with no further enlightenment than when I started. Today in fact, I had a "Mom" moment, thinking of her when we worked together at their office in Canoga Park. I remembered how good she was with Dad's clients, and her jokes, her smiles, and her comfortable way of making everyone feel welcome. G & I had just completed our hike at the nearby reservoir, and I just got blindsided by the memories for a minute. I miss Mom everyday.

Love you Sal - and I understand many of your questions. I pray that God give you answers.